Do you date?

How do you date? Do you date? Sometimes we get dating and hanging out mixed up. A date is when someone plans an activity, prepares it (having all the resources provided), and is paired off. When you’re hanging out, there’s no planned activity and no direction. Now I am not saying that all hanging out is bad but you need to have a balance.

This is what I have seen and experienced in my own life. It’s called the phenomenon of date them till you hate them. You go on one date with a person and once you’ve gone on the second date with them, you start to like them. And so you say “I like you.” To that person and then other person says “I like you too”. After you’ve established that you have feelings for each other, you decided to date. Instead of continuing to plan and prepare activities, you just start spending time with each other without any effort because you already are paired off. We start hanging out and spending our every second with the other person we like. And sometimes it can drive you crazy until you’re say, “Get away from me”.

Here is what I have experienced and observed and am trying to get better at and practice. Is it is more romantic, fun and exciting to go on a date with someone you like twice a week for two to three hours? Or is it better to spend all day every day with that same person? Here is the difference: When you spend two to three hours twice a week with someone you look forward to that time when he or she comes to pick you up. You get the butterflies and the sweating palms because you’re excited. When you hang out with someone all day every day you might still be excited but it may not be as fun because you’re doing the same thing every day all day. After a while, that could get boring and you might start to lose interest in that person. But when you go on simple dates you’re both learning and growing together, almost like you’re climbing up a ladder.

How you date carries over into your marriage. The habit of dating established early on in life will carry over into marriage. If you develop dating by planning, preparing, and being paired off, chances are that when you’re married you’re more likely to continue that pattern of dating. Married or single, planning dates and having fun is a lot better than just chilling on the couch. When you have a goal or an activity planned, you have direction in your life and you’re going to learn a lot more about yourself and about the person you’re with. In this generation, “hanging out” is commonly referred to as “Netflix and Chill”. You have to be active in dating and relationships will grow out of them, versus sitting on the couch watching tv and not speaking. If you’re not talking, your relationship will begin to dwindle. If you really like the person and you properly date you will like them even more than if you just hangout every second of the day. 

Love is the only way!

In the bible Jesus states “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (St. John 15:13).” What is true love? How do you know it is love? In Christian Moore’s book titled The Resilience Breakthrough, he gives the definition of a true friend by saying that “a true friend is someone who shows an increase of love when you’re at your lowest, ugliest point, there will be very few people who are willing to increase their love for you especially when you are in a place where you are not meeting their needs.” Christ is the ultimate definition of a true friend. He gave his life to us as his brothers and sisters with absolute no benefit for Him. When we aren’t having our needs met do we get angry because we aren’t receiving anything in return?

My mom once gave me wise council when she said “Son, when you seek attention you will jealousy, angry, depressed, afraid, but when you seek to serve you will always feel the love of God.” If we serve people and expect something in return, we will always be disappointed. We don’t receive any earthly advances when we serve others. But if we look to service with love, we will receive love in return as we draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

Love is born out of time and reason. There is a difference between attention and love. Love is long enduring and patient. Pure and true love can also last through hard times. Attention is only spontaneous and can never genuinely last long. Love is sacrificing yourself to benefit another person.

So why would we not choose to love constantly in our lives? As we walk around in our daily lives we should look and find ways to constantly love and serve people. We won’t be instantly rewarded. But our ability to love and be loved will increase. Love has the ability to change lives. Love isn’t something bought or achieved. We have to earn and achieve love by serving and showing compassion to others. We all have a gift of sharing our love with those around us. Reach out with love and service to someone today. 

Being Different is Being Beautiful

You wake up and you look yourself in the mirror and say to yourself “man I am different” you sit by people daily and talk to others with different strengths and weaknesses, Women, men, children we are all different, we have different strengths so why are we different?

I was once asked a question that surprised me. They asked me “Trent if you were the only person on this earth would you still love to go skiing?” I thought to myself for a minute and you know I really wouldn’t love to ski. As I thought about it some more I realized I loved skiing because of the people that I was with. If we all grew up with the same talents and skills and we were all the same. Would the world even be fun to live in? I think about my family, we are all different and that’s what makes it fun. One is goofy, one is serious or shy, one can crack a joke and we all laugh. IF THERE WERE NO DIFFRENCES WE WOULD NEVER LEARN. And if there was no learning life would be boring.

I like to compare men and women with light and dark and I am not saying one is bad and the other is good, they are equal. But we know that men and women have different strengths and weaknesses and bring different skills to the table. Just like the dark and light are different. When dark and light come together they make something beautiful like sunsets and sunrises some of the most spectacular scenes of all time. When men and women come together unselfishly it is a beautiful thing to see how they work together. I am so grateful for my parents that came together and made and shaped who I was, gave me different skills and life experiences to help other people.

One thing that I have noticed in my life and as a word of caution is that jealousy destroys relationships when we want something that someone else has and we can’t have it we get mad, we get angry, we almost don’t even want to talk to them anymore. It can be as simple as a personality trait or a social skill like they are good at basketball. There are three things that have helped me overcome jealousy one is remember that you have been given certain talents and gifts to help others in different ways. The second thing is be grateful for what you have. Not on what you don’t have. So many times we focus on what others have and what their experiences and WE MISS OUT THEN ON OUR EXPERIENCES AND OUR MOMENTS. Because we are so worried about someone else’s. And third is serve, which is the finest exercise for the heart.

We are all unique individuals with differences that can make us beautiful. When we start to think or become jealous of someone else because they are more beautiful or more skilled then you. Remember YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH. You can tell yourself “I’AM GOOD ENOUGH TODAY, THIS MOMENT, And THIS SECOND” 

What matters most

Have you ever felt compelled inside to talk to someone or help someone, but didn’t because you were scared you would get rejected by your peers, social class or even your family? If you are reading this and wonder “Man I have done that?” then keep reading this.

Once I heard a story of highly educated church leaders. Twelve to thirteen of them had an early morning meeting one Sunday and as they all got in there cares and drove off, on the way to the church building there was a van with a family in it stuck in the mud. These men, in there suits, white shirts and ties drove by thinking, ‘I have to get to the meeting’. As these men showed up and were waiting for the meeting to start, their leader not there. They waited and waited, but still, no leader. Finally, the door opened up and in walked their leader his suit and white shirt, covered in mud and said, “Sorry I am late.” Does the way we dress influence our culture and how we treat someone else? Does the money and image we have keep us from doing what is right? Are we governed by what is popular and what others think, rather then what we know within our heart that it is right?

Put yourself in these shoes: you just went into the mall and bought a brand new outfit, with fancy new shoes. You then head back to your house and notice a car stuck two feet deep in mud and five yards off the road. As you have an urge to help them, but notice that you are wearing your new outfit and don’t want to get it dirty, would you stop? Or would keep diving? Would you let your clothes influence you? Have you ever had thoughts of “I can’t talk to him or her because he is not my type or he looks weird”? Have you ever said, “I am way better so I can’t talk to him,” or “Why is this guy or girl talking to me? They’re not as cool as I am” Does our culture effect the way we act? Yes it does. I am not perfect, I still judge and still think like this sometimes, but I am trying.

There are two points that I would like to talk about that I have learned in my life. One is the fear of rejection or the fear of what others think. “If I help this person will my friends disown me because they’re not part of our group?” Or, “If I help this person my popularity will decrease.” Friends, don’t listen to that lie. It is only life, you don’t know what your friends think or how they will react. After all, it only takes twenty insane seconds of courage to do the right thing and others will follow.

The second thing is to check yourself. I have to do this every day, multiple times a day. I ask myself: “WHAT MATTERS MOST”. Is it the clothes, the money, or your image that matters or is helping someone’s soul be healed? Is it the grade that matters or is it what you learn that matters most? You can always buy new clothes and shoes, you can always earn more money. YOU CAN NEVER BRING BACK AN OPPUTUNITY THAT YOU LOST. And some of the words that hurt us the most are: “I should have done that.” I should have been kinder, I regret not helping. I should have done this or I should have done that. My friends, you have the power inside you. Next time you don’t want to talk to someone or help someone out for fear or rejection, ask yourself what matters most and do it. Flip the switch and watch your feelings inside of you change as you take the stand and do it. Live your life with passion and love because we are all good enough. 

Your Needed Today!

Do you feel tiny like the ant that everyone steps on when walking on the sidewalk? I do sometimes, But your part of something bigger, think about the solar system each planted affects the system. If one planet goes out of orbit it affects the whole solar system. so here is to those out there that feel lonely, heartbroken, maybe you just broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or feel like your not worthy of love. your part of a systems weather you know it or not. a system that your needed in called the family system. Ill never forget the times when I am walking down the street having the worst day of my life or what I seem as the worst day, and a stranger smiles at me, stops me on the street and says " Trent how is your day." those small moments that we don't think is a big deal make the biggest impact. It seems like my world is turned around my face begins to smile, and in those moments I want to reach out to someone. I look back today and say to myself where would I be without those people? So you make a difference you might not know how but I know there is someone that needs you today.

There are many times I meet someone and I want to judge them. thoughts of "your weird" or "what kind of hair is that" run through my mind. Mother Teresa once said "when you judge someone you leave no room to love that someone". We all are unique it would be boring if we were all the same, had the same gifts and talents as someone else, but we all have a story to tell. My story is different then yours and every person that we see is different. I have come to learn that when I look at someone I really have no room to judge them, because where did they get there behavior from it could have been there parents who grew up in an abusive home. who there parents could have grown up in a similar situation, so pretty soon we are back in time to where family ancestors who may have started the behavior patters are deceased. So next time you come across someone that you want to judge think, what is there story, can I share mine. It always looks better on the outside.

My Friends out there, old, young, small, big short or skinny. Remember your needed today sometimes I have to think this thought. "Today is the day that I'am going to reach out, and care" and as you do and put a smile on someone elses face your face will smile as well. You are all good enough to make a difference. Believe that!