Challenges are Opportunities!

Do I kiss her or do I not? Should I reach out and touch him or should I not? We have all experienced feelings nervousness or anxiety as these thoughts come into our minds. After all, having feelings for anyone means vulnerability and most people shy away from being vulnerable because it is scary.  Life is the greatest learning experience of all. Every day you get up it is and opportunity to learn and grow. Sexual intimacy is a crucial part of life because everyone wants to feel loved and belonged. But absence of those feelings can be a place of pain and loneliness

There are four stages in the sexual response cycle. The first is the excitement stage. The excitement stage starts out with arousal that can come from many things such as kissing, holding hands, and even fantasizing about sexual things. The second stage is the plateau stage where there is a very high level of arousal preparing for the third stage which is orgasm. With the third stage there is a discharge of sexual tension that has been built up during the plateau. Finally, there is the fourth stage, which is the refectory period also known as is the rest and replenish stage. This sexual response cycle, believe it or not, happens differently in males and females. It happens slower in females than in males. These challenges can cause complications in marriage, for example. The man can already be on the resting period when the women hasn’t even hit the plateau stage so while the man could feel like he is in love the women may not feel the same.

Now you can look at these four stages as challenges or you can look at them as opportunities. Sexual intimacy, if done right, can help you put someone else’s needs above your own and that is true love. It is an opportunity to serve the person you love.

Some people, when giving a kiss or having a one night stand might say, “Man I was scared, she was hot!” or “Touch down! He was a good kisser”. That is not real intimacy. Now when you’re married that is a different story. But when someone says this about a person they just met, it is not real intimacy. Instead, they’re just looking at the other person’s physical appearance. People can have sex just to have sex or kiss just to kiss. Intimacy is more than physical touch. It is caring for that person, being able to control your own natural urge for someone else. In true love or in true intimacy there is no touchdown or home run. It is a gentle and kind passion that is unwrapped slowly.

Now here is to the men. Women are more than just sexual objects. The plague of pornography and the media has given everyone, not just men, a false sense that women are nothing but object to be looked at for enjoyment. Usually it is the woman that feels the most hurt and abused. Women are not there simply to meet a man’s sexual desire. All women should be treated like queens. They have hopes and dreams and desires. They want to be talked to, held, and sometimes just listened to. Men need to learn to have self-control. When you selflessly serve someone else, they are more willing to serve you kindness back.

Now for those of you who are married or are about to get married here is for you. I have to be honest, I don’t know what it is like to be married. But here is what I do know: when you are married and problems come up, talking about them with friends or family instead of your spouse only create more problems. The more you talk about those problems with other, the more you violate the trust of your spouse. Work it out with your spouse. Most of the problems that are generated is because of selfishness. Be selfless and see what things change. Also, ask yourself what benefit would a friend of the opposite sex benefit you when you’re married? There would be no benefit at all. I am grateful for a dad and mom who choose me to be there best friends.

You can look at challenges as a challenge or an opportunity to serve and grow. My mom always says, “When you seek attention you feel mad, fearful, angry, jealous, but when you seek to serve you feel the love of God.” In a world that is all about “me”, you can be different. Sexual intimacy is one of the greatest things if done right. Avoid the appearance of evil and be self-less because you will always feel loved. It won’t always be easy but it will be worth it. Ask yourself, “How bad do you want it?” Then make the sacrifice and go get it.