We All Have Value!

                Every person is born with a unique style and personality. We are all different. In life we tend to compare ourselves with other people. Comparison is the thief of joy; as soon as you compare your lot to someone else’s, lot your lot doesn’t look that good anymore. As soon as you compare yourself with someone else you don’t look as good to yourself anymore. Perfection is a big façade and social media really helps out with this. You see pictures on Facebook and Instagram all the time. The picture of your best friend getting a new car looks sweet, but what Facebook doesn’t tell you is how much debt he had to go into to get that car. You envy the car but not the debt that goes into buying the car. You might envy the big trip your friend went on in Europe, but you wouldn’t be envying the family crisis they might going through. People that are divorced or mess up in life made mistakes and they have probably put themselves on the discount isle because they compare their greatest weakness with someone else’s greatest strength. You have value, all of us do. So someone like you that is valuable, please don’t put yourself on the discount isle by comparing yourself with perfection, because perfection doesn’t exists 

You can never get enough of what you don’t need because what you don’t need can’t satisfy you. If you need protein and eat Doritos to get the protein you will be eating a lot of Doritos because you don’t need Doritos. They can’t satisfy your need for protein.

I love this because it helps us react to someone’s needs instead of someone’s behavior. Let’s say you have a person that seeks a lot of undue attention. Their behavior can be annoying so we try to change it by saying things like “do this” or “don’t do that… or else…” and in the end, this really doesn’t work. But if we begin to meet their needs they will naturally change. If you give an undue attention seeker love and make them feel like they belong, their behavior will naturally change.

You can never get enough of what you don’t need because what you don’t need can’t satisfy you. I ask you: what do you need? What are your children’s needs? As you meet the needs pf people there behavior will naturally change. 

Communication is Lost in our World Today!!

As I showed up to play in a racquetball tournament, I was standing there with five other guys in a circle. As we were standing there I started asking questions like where you all from, what semester is this for you? No one responded to me so I started to look around and saw they were all on their phones. I then got a little bugged. Communication in our day has gone down, people can’t even make eye contact with you or wave at you. Sometimes they can’t even have a normal conversation with you.

It has been said that when we communicate fourteen percent is through words, thirty five percent is tone and fifty one percent is non-verbal communication or body language. My generation has stopped picking up the phone and now uses text messaging to communicate. There is a lot of problems with just texting, you only get fourteen percent of what the other person is trying to say. When we text there is a lot more room for the other person we are texting to interpret it wrong. There is no real emotion in texting, I can text something that I really don’t feel and have the other person believe it. When you call you have forty nine percent and can get across more that you want to communicate. For example I will call girls to see if they want to go on a date. I can tell if they are excited or not to go. Whereas if I just text them I have no idea if there excited or not. I believe that texting is just an invitation to talk

When we stare at a computer screen take snapchats, upload Instagram with new pictures, and text we miss out on so many moments to talk with and listen to a real person and to enjoy the moment. I am a college student and a very social person I love talking to people and seeing them smile. But when I walk to class or see someone texting I don’t even want to talk. I believe that people want to talk to others we have gotten so preoccupied that we never give others the chance to have a real conversation.

Technology and communication go hand in hand. I am not saying that it is bad if you text or snap chat or Facebook. You can reach a-lot of people through those things, if you use it right. But if you’re not careful you can also ruin a lot of relationships because of it as well.

People love to be talked too we all want to feel loved and belonged and communication is key. Next time someone talks to you slow down and listen because you could be an answer that they’re looking for. If we are tied up with technology and other things we might miss out on that special moment. Remember you can never not communicate. 

No growth in the comfort zone, N comfort in the growth zone

Sweaty palms, headache, racing heart, mind going everywhere. We have all experienced these symptoms in a situation such as taking a test, asking a girl or boy out on a date, family crisis, or embracing change. These situation all caused by your best friends, which is also known as stress. Our society tells us that stress is bad and that if you have stress you’re not tough enough or good enough, but what if you began to believe that stress was good for you? Stress arises when there are challenges, obstacles or things don’t go how we planned. Without stress life would be boring. How would any of us grow or become better? We wouldn’t.

I hear older couples talk about when there first married, they were young, broke and how stressful it was. They tell it in a laughing way and it tells me that they learned from it. Stress can either do two things: it can break you or it can build you. One of my most stressful situations was my first semester at college. I remember coming home after studying my brains out thinking I accomplished nothing sitting on the floor of my bedroom, crying. Thinking maybe college isn’t for me, or I should just leave. Instead, with the help of others, I am on my second semester. I have changed a lot and I have grown so much. Now, I look back and see how much I have grown from my stressful situation

There were two instances where, now looking back on them, added to my stress. One of them was when my surroundings changed. I wasn’t in my comfort zone, but that turned out to be a good thing because there is now growth in the comfort zone. Second is when my boundaries were changing in my relationships. My family boundaries where changing because I wasn’t home anymore and it seemed like my parents treated me differently. I felt alone and it was up to me to make my own decisions since I wasn’t under my parents anymore. It was stressful. Whenever you change a boundaries with someone it is stressful. For example, you break up with your boyfriend or there is a death in the family or you get a girlfriend or you have a baby. These are all stressful situations because you’re establishing boundaries and boundaries are being changed.

My dear friends, stress is fun and exciting, when your heart pounds and you get sweaty palms. From stressful situations I get to learn something and I get to try something new and I get to grow. Without stress life would be boring. Next time you’re in a stressful situation just remember, you’re only going to grow from it.

Please comment!! Let me know if my blog post help or if you like them or not!

Challenges are Opportunities!

Do I kiss her or do I not? Should I reach out and touch him or should I not? We have all experienced feelings nervousness or anxiety as these thoughts come into our minds. After all, having feelings for anyone means vulnerability and most people shy away from being vulnerable because it is scary.  Life is the greatest learning experience of all. Every day you get up it is and opportunity to learn and grow. Sexual intimacy is a crucial part of life because everyone wants to feel loved and belonged. But absence of those feelings can be a place of pain and loneliness

There are four stages in the sexual response cycle. The first is the excitement stage. The excitement stage starts out with arousal that can come from many things such as kissing, holding hands, and even fantasizing about sexual things. The second stage is the plateau stage where there is a very high level of arousal preparing for the third stage which is orgasm. With the third stage there is a discharge of sexual tension that has been built up during the plateau. Finally, there is the fourth stage, which is the refectory period also known as is the rest and replenish stage. This sexual response cycle, believe it or not, happens differently in males and females. It happens slower in females than in males. These challenges can cause complications in marriage, for example. The man can already be on the resting period when the women hasn’t even hit the plateau stage so while the man could feel like he is in love the women may not feel the same.

Now you can look at these four stages as challenges or you can look at them as opportunities. Sexual intimacy, if done right, can help you put someone else’s needs above your own and that is true love. It is an opportunity to serve the person you love.

Some people, when giving a kiss or having a one night stand might say, “Man I was scared, she was hot!” or “Touch down! He was a good kisser”. That is not real intimacy. Now when you’re married that is a different story. But when someone says this about a person they just met, it is not real intimacy. Instead, they’re just looking at the other person’s physical appearance. People can have sex just to have sex or kiss just to kiss. Intimacy is more than physical touch. It is caring for that person, being able to control your own natural urge for someone else. In true love or in true intimacy there is no touchdown or home run. It is a gentle and kind passion that is unwrapped slowly.

Now here is to the men. Women are more than just sexual objects. The plague of pornography and the media has given everyone, not just men, a false sense that women are nothing but object to be looked at for enjoyment. Usually it is the woman that feels the most hurt and abused. Women are not there simply to meet a man’s sexual desire. All women should be treated like queens. They have hopes and dreams and desires. They want to be talked to, held, and sometimes just listened to. Men need to learn to have self-control. When you selflessly serve someone else, they are more willing to serve you kindness back.

Now for those of you who are married or are about to get married here is for you. I have to be honest, I don’t know what it is like to be married. But here is what I do know: when you are married and problems come up, talking about them with friends or family instead of your spouse only create more problems. The more you talk about those problems with other, the more you violate the trust of your spouse. Work it out with your spouse. Most of the problems that are generated is because of selfishness. Be selfless and see what things change. Also, ask yourself what benefit would a friend of the opposite sex benefit you when you’re married? There would be no benefit at all. I am grateful for a dad and mom who choose me to be there best friends.

You can look at challenges as a challenge or an opportunity to serve and grow. My mom always says, “When you seek attention you feel mad, fearful, angry, jealous, but when you seek to serve you feel the love of God.” In a world that is all about “me”, you can be different. Sexual intimacy is one of the greatest things if done right. Avoid the appearance of evil and be self-less because you will always feel loved. It won’t always be easy but it will be worth it. Ask yourself, “How bad do you want it?” Then make the sacrifice and go get it. 

Do you date?

How do you date? Do you date? Sometimes we get dating and hanging out mixed up. A date is when someone plans an activity, prepares it (having all the resources provided), and is paired off. When you’re hanging out, there’s no planned activity and no direction. Now I am not saying that all hanging out is bad but you need to have a balance.

This is what I have seen and experienced in my own life. It’s called the phenomenon of date them till you hate them. You go on one date with a person and once you’ve gone on the second date with them, you start to like them. And so you say “I like you.” To that person and then other person says “I like you too”. After you’ve established that you have feelings for each other, you decided to date. Instead of continuing to plan and prepare activities, you just start spending time with each other without any effort because you already are paired off. We start hanging out and spending our every second with the other person we like. And sometimes it can drive you crazy until you’re say, “Get away from me”.

Here is what I have experienced and observed and am trying to get better at and practice. Is it is more romantic, fun and exciting to go on a date with someone you like twice a week for two to three hours? Or is it better to spend all day every day with that same person? Here is the difference: When you spend two to three hours twice a week with someone you look forward to that time when he or she comes to pick you up. You get the butterflies and the sweating palms because you’re excited. When you hang out with someone all day every day you might still be excited but it may not be as fun because you’re doing the same thing every day all day. After a while, that could get boring and you might start to lose interest in that person. But when you go on simple dates you’re both learning and growing together, almost like you’re climbing up a ladder.

How you date carries over into your marriage. The habit of dating established early on in life will carry over into marriage. If you develop dating by planning, preparing, and being paired off, chances are that when you’re married you’re more likely to continue that pattern of dating. Married or single, planning dates and having fun is a lot better than just chilling on the couch. When you have a goal or an activity planned, you have direction in your life and you’re going to learn a lot more about yourself and about the person you’re with. In this generation, “hanging out” is commonly referred to as “Netflix and Chill”. You have to be active in dating and relationships will grow out of them, versus sitting on the couch watching tv and not speaking. If you’re not talking, your relationship will begin to dwindle. If you really like the person and you properly date you will like them even more than if you just hangout every second of the day. 

Love is the only way!

In the bible Jesus states “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (St. John 15:13).” What is true love? How do you know it is love? In Christian Moore’s book titled The Resilience Breakthrough, he gives the definition of a true friend by saying that “a true friend is someone who shows an increase of love when you’re at your lowest, ugliest point, there will be very few people who are willing to increase their love for you especially when you are in a place where you are not meeting their needs.” Christ is the ultimate definition of a true friend. He gave his life to us as his brothers and sisters with absolute no benefit for Him. When we aren’t having our needs met do we get angry because we aren’t receiving anything in return?

My mom once gave me wise council when she said “Son, when you seek attention you will jealousy, angry, depressed, afraid, but when you seek to serve you will always feel the love of God.” If we serve people and expect something in return, we will always be disappointed. We don’t receive any earthly advances when we serve others. But if we look to service with love, we will receive love in return as we draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

Love is born out of time and reason. There is a difference between attention and love. Love is long enduring and patient. Pure and true love can also last through hard times. Attention is only spontaneous and can never genuinely last long. Love is sacrificing yourself to benefit another person.

So why would we not choose to love constantly in our lives? As we walk around in our daily lives we should look and find ways to constantly love and serve people. We won’t be instantly rewarded. But our ability to love and be loved will increase. Love has the ability to change lives. Love isn’t something bought or achieved. We have to earn and achieve love by serving and showing compassion to others. We all have a gift of sharing our love with those around us. Reach out with love and service to someone today.